Biff's Stuff: Bear on Patrol

In the Beginning....

*yawn* Good Morning!

OMG Would you look at the time? I'm scared to.

What do you mean it's six in the morning?

SIX IN THE FREAKIN' MORNING? - ON A WEEKEND??

Who gets up then? ^SNORE^

Wha? Huh? Budidonwannagetupanouttabed.....no, tooearly. Mustsleep. *mumble*

Okay, whosgonnamakecoffeeanitbetternotbeme! GRarrrrrr! Grumpy Bear! Outta my way!

Yeah, mornings are so not pretty. Not where I live anyhow. I never was much of a morning bear. In fact, if you would kindly remove mornings from the day, I would be much happier.

After Coffee, Shower, Breakfast and a 20 minute drive

I am not even sure how I got here, but apparently I get to ski today. My first day as a Bear on Patrol! It's still morning, and the chairlift hasn't even started yet. As my wrangler was one of the first in the door, it's up to him to make the coffee for everyone else!

Now I'm not faulting him for poor coffee skills, but some things are sacred and should never be trusted to amateurs. I know, because while I was mostly asleep this morning, HE made the coffee. I am still trying to figure out how something that is normally so good can taste like it was filtered through moldy socks! *shudder*

Note how I keep the chocolate nearby too. The mark of a true coffee artiste! That's a tin of hot chocolate! OH BOY! I usually put a bit in my coffee to help mornings along!

Ahhhh, that's better! Nothing like a cup of coffee while you put your jammies back on an relax to enjoy the morni..... WHAT? There's more to do? You're killing me! I just made coffee. What do you mean I have to share the coffee with everyone? Good Grief!

And now I have to go where? OUTSIDE? But it's cold out there! They are making snow! It's so cold.... I don't want to go outside! I'm going to radio for help if you keep threatening me!

*sigh* Well, next thing you know I'm riding the chairlift up to the top of the mountain. I was right, it was freezing up there! January and it's sooo cold. When it's this cold, they can spray water into the air and it falls down frozen, sort of like snow. My friends around the world laugh because they think it's silly that we have to make snow in Canada. I laugh back at them and say we have to make so much snow because all of their hot air keeps melting it.

The only problem with making snow this way is that sometimes it makes it really really really foggy! So foggy that I get lost at the top of the hill, and being a small bear, that can be a big problem.

After a few minutes of shouting as my wrangler left me up there lost and alone while he took a run down the mountain and left me behind (Me? Complain? Hardly.), I was picked up and put back into my portable cave where I pretty much stayed until it was coffee break time. I had the portable cave heater turned up to Full-Blast and it was still pretty chilly (except for my bum which was toasty)!

At coffee break time I got to meet a very nice, tall man who sort of looks like a skinny Santa Claus, which is funny because his name is Nick! Nick is the Patrol Leader. I think he got that job because he is so tall, that people can always see where he's leading.

He put me on his head and I almost hit the ceiling!

Nick told me it was time to start toboggan training. I know --you would figure that since I went to the hill and did some skiing that I would know everything (which I do - just no one believes me). Apparently not.

Down to Business

First, there is no pretending here. Tobogan training is really hard for a small bear. The toboggan weighs about 100 lbs. That's well.... that's like well, 170 times more than I weigh! If I got run over by that it would HURT!

The instructors would have none of that, so they strapped me into the handlebars of the big blue toboggan and told me to bring it down the hill. Only there was a small problem, well more like a big problem!

So I asked if there was something I could do that was less tricky and more suited to someone my size. They quickly came up with something much better. They said I could be an injured skier (I only had to pretend I was hurt --which I am really good at from all of the training I took in the Fall). What better thing for me than an acting job!

Because I am so small though, I needed an actual person holding me. "Extra weight" they called him. I was brilliant though. I was all groaning and acting sore all over, and "don't touch me that hurts"... I was especially convincing when I was acting scared because the hill was so steep and scary. Here are the highlights of my performance:

...and I didn't even need to call in the stunt double!

Toboggan training went so well that I passed no problem. In fact I was told that I had a unique acting talent that the world wasn't really ready for. Unique talent! Imagine that!

And so we come to this....

Well, it was now 4:30 p.m., and time to hand over everything to the night crew. So we all headed back over to the Ski Patrol room after we made sure that no one who was really hurt was left stuck on the hill. They call this part Evening Sweep although I didn't see any brooms and we left the snow sort of messy.

The end of the day also means handing in your radio. Here I am at the sign-in book handing back my radio.

I loved having a radio. It was pretty much the saddest part of my day to have to hand in that radio. Oh the conversations we had and the secrets we shared! I did find it a little strange that the Patrol Leader Nick and pretty much everyone else looked relieved when I handed in my radio. Maybe they didn't like all of the times I used my radio to ask if the coffee in the Patrol room was fresh? One day I'll ask them.

Now for the last order of business, we have a sign to remind people that they should be skiing - all day which is a lot, and that they should have a lunch too (although I didn't need reminding about lunch), like so:

I didn't have the heart to tell them that it looks like a traffic light.

After a long day of skiing, we all wait in the Ski Patrol room while we make sure everyone that signed in is back safe and sound. Then a few quick announcements, and then the moment we are all waiting for. You see, as Ski Patrollers we spend all day in out ski boots, even at lunch. We do this so that if there is an accident on the hill that needs lots of people to help we can get there fast! I got a ski boot exemption because my wrangler pretty much carries me, and a bear in ski boots would be silly! Everyone else is waiting to see this: