Biff's Stuff

Growing a Christmas Tree

2011-12-23T00:08:00.001-05:00

Growing a Christmas Tree is Important Stuff seeing how Christmas is coming really fast!Here is a guide to Growing your very own Christmas Tree.

Make sure you have enough space to grow the tree. Have a lot of space. Take roughly that much space.. and maybe double it! I know I have enough space because I measured it. Generally speaking you should always have measurements. These can be anything provided the numbers for the space you need are smaller than when you measure the room.
First I measured how high it was... Don't forget to allow plenty of room for my--- errrr Your presents UNDER the tree (over didn't work well when we tried it). Here I am checking something called Height. Take down the number you see at the bottom of the tape - and make sure when you grow your tree it is less high than that.
Be careful when taking the measurements or this may happen!
There is another measurement called Width which is also important. Here I am carefully checking Width:
If the tree is too wide, you might lose presents or worse stuffed bears under it! Make sure to carefuly note the Width as people seem to like having bith height and width together, don't ask me why...
Always start off with Good quality Dirt. Don't skimp on dirt - the dirtier the better! Hey Buddy! Get your own dirt! This dirt looks sufficiently dirty. You may or may not wish the dirt to be "contained" in a "container" that is up to you. As my wrangler is a neat freak he insisted I use the container.
Dig a hole large enough for the Christmas Tree seed to be buried up to the neck. Many of you mistakenly believe these things are called "ornaments". I don't know about these "ornaments" but I do know about Christmas Tree seeds!
Bury the Christmas Tree seed in the dirt. Call them ornaments or seeds or whatever what you want, but you can't have a Christmas Tree without them! This particular seed was taken from last years' tree which was a very good year indeed as I got everything I asked Santa for!
Water carefully. Too much water and the tree will be too big. Not enough water and the tree will be too small. Water it just right! DO IT!
Now for the boring part. Take a nap during this phase folks, it's a real snoozer! B-O-R-I-N-G!(but necessary) Here you simply wait for the tree to grow....like so.
After your nap, turn around and VOILA!
If all your planning went right, you now have a Christmas Tree!

Sunday-a-Go-Go!!

2011-09-19T01:27:00.000-04:00

Hello there!

It's been a while since I've posted anything here... Such is the life of a busy Bear!

I just had the most Amazing Day filled with all kinds of things stuffed bears like! (If you're curious, you can always refer to my handy guide to What Bears Like.)

Here's a little about it:

There are many days of the week. In fact, some would say there are as many as seven!

I don't really know how many days there actually are because bears aren't that good at math and counting, but I typically don't disagree with the "experts". I just know that on this particular day, let's call it Sunday, I had an Awesome Day!

Today's events were centered around a few things from that list.

Start with Coffee

Today was a BONUS SUPER SPECIAL DAY! I was First in Line for coffee! YAYS! As you can see morning traffic can get pretty hairy around the coffee pot. Here I am with the twins Russ and Russty, and Barry.

Barry is a bit of what we call a "free thinker" around here. You will notice that he's holding a wine glass.

It's best not to ask too many questions about him, but apparently he feels like many bears -- that coffee is like fine wine, and therefore should only be enjoyed using the appropriate stemware! He was last in line because he took forever to find the right glass... I don't even remember if he got any coffee!

Once the coffee was looked after, we get down to business with....

Hunting for Chocolate

Chocolate is a bear's Prime Objective. Seriously! OMG we are finely tuned chocolate hunting machines. One sniff and we can tell you everything there is to know about any molecule of chocolate within a thousand kilometers!

Here we have a very grave situation indeed! Very very grave. tsk tsk tsk! my handler has somehow neglected his care of me. Just look at that container!

You can see the bottom of it!

EEEK!

Well, good thing it's grocery day! I made sure that chocolate was on the shopping list, that's for sure!

What (little) chocolate was left in the container went into the coffee to make a bear's favourite beverage: the often imitated Top Secret mocha-choco-wacka-lacka-latte! Essentially it's coffee flavoured chocolate fudge.

Oh dear, I've said too much!

Once the Coffee and the Chocolate situations were under control (barely), it was down to business, I decided to go through some paperwork and Hello, that`s this?!

S-C-O-R-E-!

That settles it, Road Trip!

Quickly Quickly now!

Fame and Fortune (and Cupcakes?)

I told my Handler to drop everything and get me to the cup-cakery! This was Important! (see I even had it underlined)

...except on the way there, my agent called. He told me that they were making a movie near the cupcake place. *sigh* So duty calls. I am doing this for my adoring public.

I mean look, it's not like I need the money. Hello!! FREE CUPCAKE?

Still, work is work, and I need to keep my creative output up. I'll call this a "side project" and that way if it fails, no worries!

I show up on location, but it's pretty quiet - almost deserted:

*crickets chirping in background*

So obviously this is a waste of my time. I call my agent... and start chewing them out. This is cutting into my cupcake time!

Please don't ever call me again!

etc. etc.

While I was making the call, somewhere along the line they called "Quiet on the Set!". I was pretty wrapped up complaining to my agent. If they really wanted it quiet on the set before they started the film rolling, they should have asked more loudly so that I could have heard what they were saying.

Well, as I was still yelling and screaming after they asked for quiet, my side project hopes looked pretty dim:

So I did what every celebrity does when things don't go well on a "side project":

I went for lunch.

Every lunch tells a story and here's mine:

Salad - indicates: "austerity measures are in effect".
Chicken on Salad - indicates: "although money is tight things aren't all that bad"
Sunglasses - indicates "still on the A list for getting into night clubs"
Fork in right Hand - indicates "not really into art films. Think action / adventure"
Dressing on the side - indicates "I was passed over for the last action / adventure lead role because of weight issues but am working with a personal trainer."
Herbal Tea - indicates "Anger management issues"

After lunch, which I didn't really eat.. (it's really about being SEEN isn't it?) I decided to check out the:

Free Cupcake!

When sussing out free cupcakes, it is vital (again with the underline) to scope out the source.

This place looked legit.

So I moved in for the Kill......

Here I am sauntering into the store like it's nobody's business!

They will not see me coming and "BAM"!

"Yo Lady, Make with the free cupcake and then I'll just be on my way..... yeah that's it. No false movies and let's just get this over with."

I'll leave with my cupcake and you'll have that piece of paper you were silly enough to leave lying around with the words "Free Cupcake" written on.

Things didn't exactly go according to plan....

I mean LOOK AT THEM ALL! they are so CUUUTE! and numy and chocolate-y and cup-cakey and RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! OMG ! AND YOU WANT ME CHOOSE JUST ONE? JUST ONE? *SOB*

I later found out that the FREE CUPCAKE coupon I had was good for a Jumbo cupcake.

At this point I had already made plans for eating several of the mini-cupcakes, so I bought them too....

It looks like I'll be eating salad for a little while longer when I "do lunch".

Oh well, it was worth the added expense for the Free Cupcake that I got.

I couldn't wait to get home and sort and store them and look at them... soo pretty! OMG! Hurry Hurry! I can still smell them.

Helllooooo! Why isn't there a taxi when you need it? I am having a crisis.

Once again.... things didn't exactly go as planned:

I accidentally licked one... to see if it was going to be any good.

*cough* Things sort of lost control after that. At least I think so. the details are sort of sketchy in my mind.. just know that instinct took over and.... RAWR!

So much for saving them.....

Winding Down (or maybe a time out... Still unclear.)

After all the excitement of a Very Busy Day, a bear needs to unwind (and it takes time to burn off the sugar). So I did a couple of things.

I played some World of Bearcraft. this is normally very relaxing, except today for some reason.

Today we had a daily eating quest assigned to us by some guy in the game town.who's asking us to do stuff, like, every day.

I was supposed to gather and eat 100 cupcakes!

OMG! Did you see that?

DID YOU SEE THAT?

THAT MONSTER STOLE MY CUPCAKE!

Die monster Die die DIE DIE!!! (you knew that was going to be underlined)

Okay, so perhaps not the best choice for relaxation... my handler quickly shut down the video game and suggested another option:

Watching the laundry channel.

This is very soothing indeed... watching the clothes go round and round. Just sit with a friend and some snacks... and watch.. and sit and watch..

and sit...

hmmmm glad that's not me in there...

ZZzzzzzzzzzz!

Huh? What's Bedtime already?

Okay... I'm sorta sleeeep......ZZZzZZZZZzzzzz!

heh well, my handler managed to get me upstairs and I got ready for bed.

*droool*

I pretended to have Rabies while I was brushing my teeth! What do you think? Convincing? Hehehehehehe.

It was a pretty long day for me. I got my handler to tuck me in and then it was time for sleep.

Hope you all had a good Sunday too!

G'night!

*bear hug* Biff

Facebook Anyone?

2011-04-12T10:33:00.002-04:00

Hey there!

You can now follow me on Facebook for short, up-to-the-minute updates, fun photos and status posts!

Take Me Away!! to the The Small Brown Bear's Fabulous Book of Face Page!

Cheers!

Biff

Bear on Patrol - "The Incidents" while Racing

2010-03-24T00:31:00.001-04:00

Sproing! Spring Already?

Ahhh Spring - When a certain bear's thoughts (mine, silly) turn to thoughts of skiing while basking in sunlit afternoons, watching the snow melt and dreaming of the fresh berry parfaits to come.

Speaking of snow melting, my wrangler was once asked by this British lady who was visiting Canada to ski: "What do they do with the man-made snow in the Spring?"

His answer? "Well, we actually pack it all up in labeled containers that go into storage so that we can put it back on the hill next winter!" (I wish I thought of that)

She seemed happy with the answer until I screamed "NOT!" and started giggling.

"actually....It melts like real snow." my now embarrassed wrangler said.

Oh well. Now where were we?

Olympics - Schmolympics!

So this Spring I caught a little Olympic Fever....

Now make no mistake, I have all kinds of respect for all kinds of people. I think that it takes a certain amount of courage to be strapped into a portable cave with no real control of where I go or how fast I go because my wrangler likes to hurtle down the hill at astonishing speeds apparently trying to approach the speed of light to slow down aging or something. WHEEEEEE!

I mean that's all good and stuff, but where is the control, I mean how do I get any say in what happens during all this excitement?

and now they tell me that this is a sport? I don't think so!

How hard can it be to stand on two feet stuck on long plastic-y slippy things and go down a hill? I figure with 4 legs it should be a snap! A SNAP! I tell you! The only thing I would be worried about is stopping, but after careful observations, I have concluded that stopping happens naturally because people and bears have bums.

Well, after months and months of begging and pleading my wrangler (Okay 10 minutes, but man did I put the pressure on), I was ready to make my skiing debut!

Being new at skiing and laughing at Danger (HAH! Take That Danger!), I borrowed some of my wrangler's ski gear. No helmet required because I know what I'm doing! So I grabbed his skis and headed down the hill for a run.

His last words were: "Oh my Goodness! You look killer on my skis!" or something like that.....

Trial Run - Can I get a Do-Over?

So with skiing being so easy, I figure for my first run I'll go down the really steep expert run with some of my friends. Here they are waiting for me. There's Don on the left, Courtney in the middle and Céline on the right!

Now I was strapped into the skis, and ready for my first run! YAY! Now to join the others....Who put that sign there? All I need to do is get on the other side of that stupid sign!

The sign says D-A-N-G-E Oh dear....

My Sunglasses fell off! Man is it bright. I'll read the sign later...

Man are these ski things slippy!

Whoa!

I mean like, totally WHOA!

RIGHT TURN! RIGHT TURN!!

Hey Guys!

I'll be right over! Just give me a secon.... whooooops!

OOOOWIE!

I think I deviated my solarplexus!

I don't remember much after that except that I probably peed a little bit and felt really really woozy! The next thing I DO remember is Céline running up to me and asking if she could help me!

What? Why would I need help? I was perfectly fine! Nothing to see here! Move along people! Sheesh!

She wouldn't have any of that, and started to examine me like we learned in our Ski Patrol training course.

1. Check to make sure the bear is breathing and has a pulse. Check! This might be important because I might be dreaming all this...

2. She held my head and asked what was wrong. I was good and told her exactly what was wrong with me. "I've double-parked my solar-powered Lexus" I said. She looked at me, smiled and said "I think you've hit your head!"

3. So Céline checked me out from head to toe to make sure that nothing was really wrong with me, being careful not to move my head. She said I was probably just fine but that I should get everything checked out by a doctor "in case".

and before I knew it, I was being given a ride down the hill in a rescue toboggan with someone holding me in so that they could bring me down the hill safe and sound. I still felt sore, but the toboggan ride was fun and I didn't throw up!

I was not very impressed with the clinic. Yeah the blankets were all snuggy warm and the pillows were comfy, but is this any way to treat a patient? I mean, REALLY? I was pretty sure that my insurance had extra coverage for a Private Room and Clinic complete with spa treatments and hot-and-cold running cocoa. Sorry guys but this wasn't gonna cut it!

While I was in the clinic, I got a pretty good view of a race course they had set up on the hill:

and I got to thinking:

Racing - Why Not?

Well after that first run I wasn't gonna let a head bump and a little wooziness stand in the way of my Ski Glory! No way!

So, I decided to try again, and let's make it interesting!

I rode the chairlift to the top of the hill and managed to sit next to a ski racing coach. He gave me everything I needed to know.

Here is a picture of someone who is racing (they are just to the right of the red fence-y thingy)

Racing Secrets I learned from a coach:

Go around the red and the blue stick things.
When you go around the red and blue stick things, just follow the other tracks to make sure you go around the right way.
If you fall and you are headed for one of the red fence-y things, they tangle you up and stop you if your bum doesn't work properly to do this.
The red and blue stick things are bendy and snap back really hard!
The reason people who are racing go so fast is so that the red and blue stick thingies don't have time to snap back and bop you on the nose!
If you are bopped on the nose, try not to cry or swear or go into the red fence-y things..
If you manage to avoid getting bopped on the nose, or do not get caught in the red fence-y things, and you manage to go through all the red and the blue stick things in the right order, you have "finished" and are given a series of random numbers called a "time".
You have two tries to get a "time"
The lowest random "time" wins.

I was ready! and I was wearing my lucky sunglasses for well, for.... luck. Not that I needed it!

....but first, because I figured I would be going super-duper pretty fast, I would check out the fence-y things because I was pretty sure they wouldn't be able to stop me.

I then asked my wrangler to throw me at the fence-y stuff really hard!

He's a good listener!

I was going so fast everything was just a blur and then I felt like someone was trying to put me through a strainer... and then Sproing! The fence-y stuff stopped me!

I was going to be fine.

Now for that race.

*sigh*

Well, I was ready! I was growling, I was INTENSE! I was all over the hill screaming my head off to get people out of the way!

Those red and blue stick things kept bopping me on the nose faster and faster and faster! Holeeee! I didn't have time to think or react! I just went for it.

I was about to cry or swear or both! I couldn't take it any more! So fast... so much nose-bopping pain!

...I think I almost made it past the third stick thingy when...

PAFF!

Oh dear.....

Unfortunately my second try was just too dangerous to show anyone on the internet. I don't even want to talk about it!

So after the second try,

...I was being given a ride down the hill in a rescue toboggan with someone holding me in so that they could bring me down the hill safe and sound. I now felt terribly sore, I was sure I left my solarplexus behind in that fence-y stuff but the toboggan ride was fun and I only threw up a little!

It was a good thing the blankets were all snuggly warm and the pillows were comfy, because I had a rough day! I also decided that I would leave racing to the people who were good at going down the hill on two feet on skis. My wrangler also ordered safety gear for me for next time but perhaps being carried around in the Safety Cave going near the speed of light wasn't so had after all!

I think my solarplexus made a complete recovery.

Bear on Patrol - "Typical Day"?

2010-03-10T00:47:00.002-05:00

In the Beginning....

*yawn* Good Morning!

OMG Would you look at the time? I'm scared to.

What do you mean it's six in the morning?

SIX IN THE FREAKIN' MORNING? - ON A WEEKEND??

Who gets up then? ^SNORE^

Wha? Huh? Budidonwannagetupanouttabed.....no, tooearly. Mustsleep. *mumble*

Okay, whosgonnamakecoffeeanitbetternotbeme! GRarrrrrr! Grumpy Bear! Outta my way!

Yeah, mornings are so not pretty. Not where I live anyhow. I never was much of a morning bear. In fact, if you would kindly remove mornings from the day, I would be much happier.

After Coffee, Shower, Breakfast and a 20 minute drive

I am not even sure how I got here, but apparently I get to ski today. My first day as a Bear on Patrol! It's still morning, and the chairlift hasn't even started yet. As my wrangler was one of the first in the door, it's up to him to make the coffee for everyone else!

Now I'm not faulting him for poor coffee skills, but some things are sacred and should never be trusted to amateurs. I know, because while I was mostly asleep this morning, HE made the coffee. I am still trying to figure out how something that is normally so good can taste like it was filtered through moldy socks! *shudder*

Note how I keep the chocolate nearby too. The mark of a true coffee artiste! That's a tin of hot chocolate! OH BOY! I usually put a bit in my coffee to help mornings along!

Ahhhh, that's better! Nothing like a cup of coffee while you put your jammies back on an relax to enjoy the morni..... WHAT? There's more to do? You're killing me! I just made coffee. What do you mean I have to share the coffee with everyone? Good Grief!

And now I have to go where? OUTSIDE? But it's cold out there! They are making snow! It's so cold.... I don't want to go outside! I'm going to radio for help if you keep threatening me!

*sigh* Well, next thing you know I'm riding the chairlift up to the top of the mountain. I was right, it was freezing up there! January and it's sooo cold. When it's this cold, they can spray water into the air and it falls down frozen, sort of like snow. My friends around the world laugh because they think it's silly that we have to make snow in Canada. I laugh back at them and say we have to make so much snow because all of their hot air keeps melting it.

The only problem with making snow this way is that sometimes it makes it really really really foggy! So foggy that I get lost at the top of the hill, and being a small bear, that can be a big problem.

After a few minutes of shouting as my wrangler left me up there lost and alone while he took a run down the mountain and left me behind (Me? Complain? Hardly.), I was picked up and put back into my portable cave where I pretty much stayed until it was coffee break time. I had the portable cave heater turned up to Full-Blast and it was still pretty chilly (except for my bum which was toasty)!

At coffee break time I got to meet a very nice, tall man who sort of looks like a skinny Santa Claus, which is funny because his name is Nick! Nick is the Patrol Leader. I think he got that job because he is so tall, that people can always see where he's leading.

He put me on his head and I almost hit the ceiling!

Nick told me it was time to start toboggan training. I know --you would figure that since I went to the hill and did some skiing that I would know everything (which I do - just no one believes me). Apparently not.

Down to Business

First, there is no pretending here. Tobogan training is really hard for a small bear. The toboggan weighs about 100 lbs. That's well.... that's like well, 170 times more than I weigh! If I got run over by that it would HURT!

The instructors would have none of that, so they strapped me into the handlebars of the big blue toboggan and told me to bring it down the hill. Only there was a small problem, well more like a big problem!

So I asked if there was something I could do that was less tricky and more suited to someone my size. They quickly came up with something much better. They said I could be an injured skier (I only had to pretend I was hurt --which I am really good at from all of the training I took in the Fall). What better thing for me than an acting job!

Because I am so small though, I needed an actual person holding me. "Extra weight" they called him. I was brilliant though. I was all groaning and acting sore all over, and "don't touch me that hurts"... I was especially convincing when I was acting scared because the hill was so steep and scary. Here are the highlights of my performance:

...and I didn't even need to call in the stunt double!

Toboggan training went so well that I passed no problem. In fact I was told that I had a unique acting talent that the world wasn't really ready for. Unique talent! Imagine that!

And so we come to this....

Well, it was now 4:30 p.m., and time to hand over everything to the night crew. So we all headed back over to the Ski Patrol room after we made sure that no one who was really hurt was left stuck on the hill. They call this part Evening Sweep although I didn't see any brooms and we left the snow sort of messy.

The end of the day also means handing in your radio. Here I am at the sign-in book handing back my radio.

I loved having a radio. It was pretty much the saddest part of my day to have to hand in that radio. Oh the conversations we had and the secrets we shared! I did find it a little strange that the Patrol Leader Nick and pretty much everyone else looked relieved when I handed in my radio. Maybe they didn't like all of the times I used my radio to ask if the coffee in the Patrol room was fresh? One day I'll ask them.

Now for the last order of business, we have a sign to remind people that they should be skiing - all day which is a lot, and that they should have a lunch too (although I didn't need reminding about lunch), like so:

I didn't have the heart to tell them that it looks like a traffic light.

After a long day of skiing, we all wait in the Ski Patrol room while we make sure everyone that signed in is back safe and sound. Then a few quick announcements, and then the moment we are all waiting for. You see, as Ski Patrollers we spend all day in out ski boots, even at lunch. We do this so that if there is an accident on the hill that needs lots of people to help we can get there fast! I got a ski boot exemption because my wrangler pretty much carries me, and a bear in ski boots would be silly! Everyone else is waiting to see this:

and then we tell stories about how great we were while drinking sodas, and then go home and eat pizza!

.....Next time I'll talk about "The Race"....

Bear on Patrol - Introduction

2010-03-08T00:21:00.002-05:00

I Love Skiing!

Bears and mountains have a long history. Just think about the song "The Bear Went Over the Mountain". That song is old, and has to do with a bear going over the mountain repeatedly, and only seeing the other side of the mountain, which is fine by me, if the mountain is Gros Morne...

but the issue is really all of that climbing! Rather than climbing all over a mountain which can take a very long time and hard work, why not wait until Winter and ride to the top in a chair or a Gondola and ski down it instead? Much easier and more fun!

There, I've said it! There's no going back now. I, Biff the Bear, love skiing -- almost as much as I love coffee, cocoa, chocolate,any combination of the above, pizza, beer, and lots of other yummy things including cookies, cake, pie, candy, and well, compared to all that, well.....skiing is a close second.

Many people (at least 2) have asked if I hibernate during the long Canadian Winters. I tried that but my wrangler is always up making noise, and to be honest I an probably too full of coffee to ever get to sleep! I love staying awake in Winter though to fully enjoy the following benefits:

Hot Cocoa and sugary foods - and lots of them are required to keep you warm and keep you going while doing Winter Sports. Here I am enjoying some snacks and cocoa which were part of my Winter Emergency Survival Pack!
Why would I want to miss any of the splendid Canadian Winter while being carried around in a climate-controlled portable cave? In fact my wrangler just started carrying me around in a new safety cave! (although the mini-bar was full of Dora the Explorer band-aids, it was still a sweet ride!)

I will will also let you in on a little secret. I have learned that there is something about Canadian Winters that make female people all cuddly, which is way cool! Who would want to be sleeping??

So for those obvious reasons (and the fact that my wrangler is a member too) I thought that joining the Ski Patrol would be a good thing to do!

For those of you who follow my posts, you will be relieved to know that I passed my ski patrol exams from the Fall!

Stay tuned for a few more posts about my ski season on the patrol.

Back from the Holidays!

2010-01-23T16:50:00.078-05:00

I'm Very Very Busy!

We've all been there, that Very Very Busy Time leading up to the Holidays. Those 10 minutes you've left yourself to organize everything, buy all your gifts online and get everything ready for the Perfect Holiday?

Did last year's solidly determined "This will NEVER happen again. This year I'm going to be WAYS more organized and get everything done in August" elude you too?

How to Be "Busy" at Work Right Before the Holidays in 5 easy Steps:

This one is EASY! DO NOTHING! STOP IT! You're doing Stuff, I can tell! Stop right now, just sit back and relax, and do nothing. Just sit there and read, or Facebook, just hang out, make and drink lots of coffee. That's it! Make and drink lots of coffee! Isn't this Easy?

Tell everyone that you are very very busy!

This one sounds funny but bear with me. People tend to believe everything they hear. What better way to have them believe that you are very very busy than to just tell them that! Here, with the benefit of modern office technology, I can tell thousands of people that I am very very busy in a single day!

Write your Holiday Gift List. This is especially well-suited to using up a day at the office! Here you can get very very busy indeed! I asked for pretty much everything in the Toy Section of the Sears Catalog. This had to be typed, and then printed. For this job I found the biggest, fastest, laser printer in the building and then told everyone that I needed it because I had a "Special Report" to do. Make sure to send a copy to that gift-giving guy Santa, and send it Priority Post because there isn't much time!

Sign up for "Various Other Duties" that you think will be a good chance to show off your people, organizational, or management skills.
Make sure once you have signed up for the "Various Other Duty" that you form a committee, and have many coffee meetings! In my case I signed up for the Fridge Cleaning for the week. We had a great committee meeting, and then it was time to clean the fridge!
What a wonderful job! All that food in there. So much food, and all kinds of different food. There was something for everyone! I did get a tummy ache in the afternoon though. Who knew Yogurt could go bad?

Wait around for that "Very Important Report" that Someone else is working on that is mission-critical for you to move forward with your own show-stopping project. In this case, it was waiting for Santa to reply to my 300 page letter!

Getting Around

2009-12-02T01:06:00.003-05:00

How I Get Around

I travel a fair amount in any given year. In fact I love to travel. Traveling is so liberating! So many places to see, and things to do, and berries, chocolate and pizza to eat and coffee to drink and cookies to break with the hammer of acquisition so that I can have a piece! PHEW! that's hard work! Really hard work, and I don't even want to THINK about all that hard work, so let's talk about how I get to travel instead!

The Basic Portable Cave

All stuffed bears know that if you are going to travel, you do it in style, and you make a statement. Not just any statement, but the sort of statement that goes: "Hello people, I am a stuffed bear and you are not, and you could not possibly believe how relieved I am because let's face it you could never pull it off quite like I can!" I find a bright orange portable cave usually sets this tone nicely!

The portable cave is a clever device invented by traveling stuffed bears that looks identical to a backpack. People think it's a backpack and they pick up the portable cave and carry it on their back and there you have it, I'm being carried around!

Portable caves are great because often the better ones will have all kinds of cubby holes for things like your MP3 Player, iPhone, camera, cookies, coffee mug, jam and marmalade collection, blanky, all kinds of useful stuff!

This usually only works for small distances especially if you are good at ticking off the person carrying the portable cave! Also you have to put your foot down if the person carrying you around wants to put their stuff in the cave too unless it's lunch, and you get dibs on their lunch.

For Longer Distance, there are other options:

The Aeroplane

While there are many plane "enthusiasts" out there that get all teary-eyed and mushy-in-the-head about planes, I can't stand them! They are one of the worst ways to travel ever invented by people!

First they make you go to this building several hours before your plane is supposed to leave because they make you wait an hour for everything! Things they like to make you wait for include proving you have a ticket, proving you have a ticket and you are who you are, proving you have nothing metal or that blows up with you (I don't really like this bit because they make me go through the x-ray machine with my portable cave and it leaves me feeling ... err, exposed), buying coffee, actually getting on the plane, and for the plane to take off once you are in it. It's a good thing that planes move so fast because otherwise it hardly seems worth the wait!

Then when you are actually on the plane you either get crammed into a plastic bin with everyting else bumping into you the whole trip or stuck where everyone has their stinky feet stuck under the seat cushion.

The Inter-City / Tour Bus

I only used this a couple of times and it was pretty much okay but not great. Busses remind me of something that is not sure if it wants to be a plane (cramped seats) or a train (you can get up and walk around) or a car (with the rubber wheels). Busses are generally avoided by bears because we don't like the idea of sloshing chemical toilets much. What if I fell in? YUCKY!

That being said, I have taken the bus to neat places, and I can't really complain that much because it sure beats walking!

The Glorious Train!

I guess you can tell which way is my favourite! The Train silly! I especially like trains because they are big, and offer you plenty of places to go and explore and look for cookies. Trains are cool. The go fast and slow, and they have big windows and stuff, and you can sit and watch the world go by. And cars have to wait for the train when it goes across the street! Now that's power! They don't wait for stuffed bears crossing the street, that's for sure.

People on trains are generally not grumpy except for this one man who was rude and kept asking the staff for beer because he was in First Class. More beer wasn't going to help. He should have asked for cookies.

Some of my favourite trains:

The Cookie Train! - this train was run by a British railway company. I got to travel first class on the train and that meant all the cookies you can eat and tea you can drink! I ate sooooo many cookies that I got a tummy ache and felt a little sick. The tea made my belly make "splooshy" noises. Eventually I recovered and did it all again.
The VIA Train - Business Class - Now this is a sweet way to travel! Canadian business class trains rock! First, when you get on the train they give you a hot towel to freshen you up. Then they give you cookies or chips and a drink. Then they give you a hot meal with more wine, and deshert! I got all kinds of deshert, like ceesechake, and taple mart, and chocolush chake, once they tried to foo me wiff carrot crake but I knew beller! Then more wine, and finally a shoclud. More wine, and then itch time to get off the mashec brain which they will glassy help you wish. A weird chocolate-wine cloud followed me! Eventually you recover from the shock.
The Spidey Train - It's really a VIA train, but it was painted with Spider Man. Pretty cool, but sticky with all that webbing. I think at the end of the trip they had to remove all kinds of animals that got stuck to the train.
The Train I got to Drive! - Yup, I got to drive a train in York, England. How cool was that? Okay, so it wasn't a very fast train, or a very big train, and I didn't even make toy cars stop, but you've got to start somewhere, right?
The Sleepy Time Overnight Train - Okay this was pretty cool. I had a room and everything and got to sleep on the train. I claimed the top bunk!

Only thing was the train rocked around quite a bit and all kinds of fast trains went by making whooshing sounds. Scary at first, but then after a while I sort of f.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ...huh? Oh yeah, trains.

Big Boats

Bears like Big boats! The bigger the better! There is a perfectly good reason for this, but my reason is that the bigger the boat, generally, the further you are from the water, and I am allergic! Also bigger boats seem to have more yummy food.

This boat had no food except what we brought with us. I consider this a small boat.

This boat was slightly bigger, and had pretty good food on it. You can tell because I am further away from the water. The coffee was also really good! A bear tried to get on this boat, but they didn't want another bear on the boat, they said one bear per boat! I was glad, 'cause he looked hungry and would probably eat a lot of food.

This boat was one of the hugest boats I've been on! I knew this because I had to look really really far down to see the water, and sometimes I couldn't see that far. It had an all-you-can-eat dessert and berry bar! A bear could LIVE on a boat like this! They finally kicked me off the boat the third time across, so maybe not.

The Ski Lift

I like ski lifts. They make skiing much easier. Imagine if you had to make your wrangler climb the mountain every time you demanded to go down the hill really really fast in your comfy portable cave! They would get very grumpy and probably tell you to "Stuff It" because they are tired. Hey, just sayin! Ski lifts come in many types, but the three basic kinds that I like the most are:

The basic chairlift. These can be a little scary for a bear just heading out for the first time, but as long are you are securely tucked in the porbable cave you will be fine. This is the same as sitting in a chair at home that is, I don't know up to 100 feet off the ground and attached to a cable and that swings and bounces a lot. Just like that chair at home, right? Right!

The small cabin Gondola. These are even more comfy because a lot of people go in them and they have a floor and doors and a window. This is more like riding a sky couch! Picture a couch in a small cabin that is I don't know, up to 100 feet off the ground and attached to a cable and that swings and bounces a lot. Just like that couch at home, right?

The large cabin Gondola. These are weird. Say you are on the bus at rush hour, and it's packed full of people. Everyone is standing 'cause there are no seats. All of a sudden, the bus starts rocking and shooting up into the sky, You are very very high above the ground and looking out a window at tiny trees and very big rocks way below you. Every now and again you go over something like a giant tower connected to the ground and the bus rocks and sways and everyone leans and goes "Whoa! WHOA!" when this happens. Just before you crash into a concrete bunker at the top or bottom of the mountain the bus slows down a lot and rocks even more. You are happy to be leaving the sky bus, but want to ride it again!

Top Secret Bear Mail

Okay. I can get into so much trouble for revealing this that you have to promise to keep this totally secret between you and me, Okay? Promise? Okay....

Stuffed bears have an arrangement with the World Wide Postal Network.

We can use the postal network to essentially teleport anywhere there is a post office

Like this,

and this....

BUT... there's more. I don't know if I should be telling you this but, well, here goes...

If you are really really nice, and ask the people at the post office politely, sometimes, you can be teleported to an oven mitt. Why an oven mitt? Because they are close to ovens, and every bear knows that ovens cook good food like cookies and pizza! Just make sure that the oven mitt you ask for isn't in a drawer or the wash, and you'll be next to an oven in no time!

Due to security concerns I can't show you how oven mitts work, you'll just have to take my word for it every time you go to make cookies or pizza or pie and some of it disappears before you get a chance to have any yourself!

So there you have it, how us bears get around!

Cheers!

Ski Patrolling - Safety First!

2009-11-06T22:54:00.002-05:00

Ski Patrolling - Safety First

It all started while I was on a ski trip to Mont Tremblant with my buddies. I have skied in a few different places, so I figure a ski trip to Tremblant would be a good way to unwind just before Christmas. I spent most of the day skiing with my on-again off-again main babe Atousa. The day I went skiing there was a heck of a snowstorm, and all I can say was Thank Goodness I was somewhere snuggly and warm!

but she got tired and headed to the hot tub early, and I decided to do another run. I decided to take the South Side Gondola right to the top of the mountain and do a nice easy run down to the bottom... or so I thought...here I am in the Gondola.

So I rode the Gondola to the top as planned, and everything was fine as I got off the gondola except I thought I smelled chocolate somewhere and I stopped paying attention to what I was doing and that was when I had "The Accident" which really wasn't that bad but it was really errrr, emberassing.

See, I was turning left when the person next to me on the hill was turning left too, only they were on my left and they were turning to their other left. Well, that's how it happened! and this was the result....

Ski Patrolling - By the Book

It was a good thing that no one was hurt! That whole accident got me to thinking that perhaps if someone DID get hurt (namely me) would I know what to do to help myself get better? Then I had a nap.

Fast forward to a couple years later and I finally decided to join the Ski Patrol. I thought you know, just join, show up to a few classes, and then go and ski and get the babes and if you're hurt make yourself better.

Boy was I wrong! I had to go into a big classroom full of big people who all needed to learn this stuff too! That part wasn't too bad, but then they gave us THE BOOK! It's a Big Book! It must weigh a bajillion pounds and it has everything we need to know in it, so I had to read it... the babes would have to wait. This was gonna take forever to learn!

We would listen to someone talk about the book (blah blah blah...) and then we would get to practice what they had showed us. Boy if only I had paid more attention in class! Oh well, after the lectures it was Skills day and finally

My Turn!

Well, after all the blah blah, it was time for me to show them what I had learned. But first.the Ski Patroller's Secret Fuel..... COFFEE! and it was a good thing they had lots, 'cause it was an early morning.

It was also a good thing they started us off slowly... so we went with a large paw sling. The Large paw sling is easy to tie and is used to immobilize something like a sprained paw, if you want sympathy, or someone to carry around all your stuff all day! Definitely a good one to know....

The next thing we learned was how to use a blood pressure cuff to see if my blood can work under pressure. In order to do this we use a special device which I seem to remember is called a "spit bomb thumb-ometer" **actually sphygmomanomator. Now for the life of me I do not know why they don't have a bear-sized cuff for us to learn with, but my buddy convinced me that the best way to use it was to wrap it around my body. He then pushed a squeezy thing and the cuff inflated and all of a sudden my head felt like it would explode at which point the first measurement was taken, then the pressure was released and as soon as my head stopped pounding buddy took the second reading. Whew!

Next we demonstrated how to give Oxygen. Oxygen is important to know how to give. If you give too much people might blow up like a balloon, if you don't give enough they turn purple and start to deflate. So In the middle of demonstrating to my examiner how to give oxygen to a screaming baby, I had a panic attack! I mean the tiny thing was making so much noise and it wouldn't stop and the examiner was watching and I was sweating and after the blood pressure cuff and everything. When I came to...

my buddy was giving oxygen to me!

and Finally.... C(or B)PR

It is important to know how to properly do BPR (Bear Pulmonary Resuscitation), especially if you are stressed or tired. Here is how to do it:

Make sure the Bear has no pulse. If you can't find it at the neck, check at the paw. Do not do BPR if the bear has a pulse as this makes them grumpy.
Ask for help if the bear is particularly large, if the bear is small (as pictured) you should be okay on your own.
Draw an imaginary line between where the front legs attach to the body.
Place both hands (if a big bear you may need several people's hands and if a small bear --as pictured-- use index and middle finger) on the chest of the bear.
If the bear starts shaking and laughing and saying "that tickles" then it is faking. Do not actually perform BPR (see step 1). Pretend to perform BPR and continue tickling until bear begs for mercy.
If there is no response, quickly pick up the phone and order an emergency pizza.
Return to the bear and push the chest about half the depth of the ribcage and repeat 30 times.
Administer 2 breaths. This might be tricky if the bear has bad breath. You may wish to use a mask as in the illustration above.
Repeat until either the bear comes to or the pizza arrived. Pizza usually revives bears.

One More Thing.....

The most important lesson that I learned from all of this was how to practice my wounded animal look. This is extremely important because this is how you get people to do the first aid on you rather than the other way around! Practice practice practice! I was especially proud of this look...

Oh, and by the way... I passed! Here I am with my wrangler at the hill. I love patrolling with him because I get to use the radio!

~Cheers~

Silversun Pickups show

2009-10-19T01:22:00.003-04:00

Silversun Pickups

Wednesday October 14 I got a special treat.

Normally I am stuck in the house all day while my wrangler, friends and hangers-on are at their paying jobs.

Imagine my surprise when at around 11:30 my wrangler bursts in through the door, grabs me, grabs the camera and says "Hurry we've got to get a move on! Going to a rock show!"

So off we go!

Here I am in my portable cave all set to go! I still wasn't sure where I was going but that was all right.

Apparently my wrangler had won tickets to a rock show hosted by one of the local radio stations. He had won it through MY Twitter account which apparently he uses behind my back!

Now I didn't know much about the band. I thought they were called something like the Shiny Silver Pickups or something like that? They were certainly not Sharon, Lois and Bram or the Wiggles.

My Wrangler put on the headphones before I could ask.

We ended up at this place called the Live Lounge, it was a good thing I didn't have to find the place myself because it wasn't that easy to find and it was far from home.

When we got there I asked to get a seat, and as we weren't the first ones there, I just sat at the a ledge at the back.

It was a really good show! We ended up seeing the Silversun Pickups. I guess the Shiny Silver Pickups couldn't make it.

Silversun Pickups played six or seven songs after a 20 minute interview. The songs were a-coo-stick which has something to do with pigeons, and all I know was that no electricity or stuffed bears were harmed during their show.

The band was really cool and all, and they seemed to know all of the Shiny Silver Pickups songs. They even sounded like them!

The best part was after the show! They hung around for a bit after the show and I got to chat with them and ask a bunch of questions.

Here I am talking to Nikki and Brian from the band. Brian can sing and play the guitar at the same time which is pretty cool. Nikki plays bass which is what I play on Guitar Hero. I had just asked Brian if he knew "The Itsy Bitsy Spider". He knew the song, but told me that they didn't have time to sing it to me because they had to sing later that night.

Apparently they have never heard of the Wiggles, which surprises me, but they did know the TV show "You Can't Do That on Television" was made in Ottawa.

It turned out to be a pretty cool day!

~Cheers~

British Columbia - Coffee!

2009-09-30T00:10:00.002-04:00

Hey everyone,

I was sipping a coffee, and my mind wandered again! This time to about a year ago when I took a trip to British Columbia I got to visit there in August 2008! There was a wedding and lots of other commotion, I remember that, but I also remember lots of other things too.

Mainly I remember the coffee and the coffee shops, yes, there were lots of those, and berries! August is berry time.

Coffee

Coffee in British Columbia is wonderful, and there is lots of it! There are coffee shops everywhere, and I mean everywhere! Better yet, not everyone there drinks Big Coffee either! There are lots of small, independent coffee places to get a good cuppa! Here are 3 of my faves:

Bojangles - local chain of 4 cafes. People watching was pretty good at this one: 785 Denman Street, Vancouver, BC V6G 2L6. In fact, this is where my Blog Header photo was taken, on their outdoor patio! Like any good coffee shop they also have a variety of good baked things that are great for nibbling or dunking with coffee.

Grouse Grind Coffee Bar - After a long climb (or cablecar ride) up Grouse Mountain, you need coffee! This place place has coffee and an awesome-tacular view of Vancouver and region from the mountaintop. How cool is that? Not only that but you can watch everyone arrive at the top of the mountain either sweaty (hiking) or smug (cable car riders like me!) I promise next time I'll make the climb (paws crossed)

Bamfield Boardwalk Cafe - Lattes in the town of Bamfield - accessible only really by boat! Who knew? Yet there I was having a latte with a bunch of other tourists and locals. West Coast Cool! As it is at the end of the Coast Trail, anyone looking for a sign of civilization will appreciate a latte / cappuccino bar at the end of the hike!

Okay, so I was holding out, there's a fourth place, a really good place, with cool staff and well, really good coffee! Dancing Bean Cafe - Box 905 - 9752 Willow Street, Chemainus BC V0R 1K0 - they roast their own coffee too, and it's a really cool place to hang and check out the local arts scene. Staff were really cool, and have to say one of the best lattes this bear has ever had! As a special mention, they also had the coolest sign posted in their cafe which was:

That's just a quick tour of BC coffee shops! There are plenty more to explore! Do you have a favourite Coffee place?

Cheers!

~Biff~

Camping Bear Style - part 2

2009-09-19T00:47:00.003-04:00

~~Camping~~ Eating - Bear Style
(Well, you already knew this series was about camping - didn't you?)

So I had the tent all set up and ready to go, I stuck myself nearby in a corner to make sure I wasn't spotted immediately, and then waited.... and waited... and waited. Wow, come to think about it, there was a lot of waiting. It felt like forever!

I kept myself distracted by watching the wacky squirrels running all over the park. Wacky squirrels, yes sir, they were funny running all around everywhere and everything and what with the throwing of pine cones on my head! Owie! Okay, so I don't like squirrels much anymore.

The Buffet Arrives (Sort of)

And then I saw a blue car pull into the campsite! YAY blue car. SCORE! Score one for the bear! Yes (insert victory dance here!). I held my breath, and the car door opened and.... AW NUTS! It was my wrangler and some of his friends! Stupid GPS chip in my paw.

Wait a minute, they are unloading food! Lots and lots of yummy food! Oh Goodie!

Where to begin....

Well after all that screaming and yelling at squirrels, I was pretty thirsty. Now those of you that have been following along or who know me understand that this bear's favourite indulgence is coffee of the latte variety. Now my particular bear wrangler knows that the situation would be simply unacceptable without a coffee-making thingy packed for the trip.

Here I am with a Mocha Pot. Now it looks like I was cooking my bum but I wasn't! Nope, that side of the stove was turned off! The pot on the right was full of milk in order to go with the espresso coffee. I don't much like espresso on its own, milk makes it yummier. As we didn't have a milk steamy thingy, my plan was to blow bubbles into the how milk through a straw. My wrangler told me the straw would melt, so no bubbles in the the milk 8-(

Dude, where's my Lunch?

Since my wrangler was here I thought I would be well fed. Was I ever wrong about that! I was told politely but firmly that we were each on our own for making lunch! How terrible! I complained bitterly only to be handed a stuffed-bear sized BBQ and some tongs and told to "Get on with it!" or something like that.

So, I did the only reasonable thing: lit the stupid BBQ and started cooking. I think I burnt a paw, but at least the burgers were yummy if I do say so myself!

Dude, Where's my Dinner?

Just as soon as I was done cooking and eating my lunch I was starting to get hungry for dinner! I knew watching the squirrels was out. What to do, what to do?

I know! I'll sneak another coffee!

In this case the stove lid provided perfect cover. They never knew who kept drinking all their coffee!

FINALLY it was dinner time! and what a dinner it was. There was Steak, yummy, yummy steak. Oh sooo good and tender and cooked on the BBQ just the way I like it, and (droooooooool) was it ever good! Such good steak. Oh, and broccoli, but I'd rather not talk about that.

You Promised me Dessert!

Being the end of Summer, it got dark pretty early. To keep warm and let other bears know this spot was spoken for I had my wrangler and his friends set up a campfire. This was immensely clever of me because it allowed them to make me s'mores! I demanded that they put two marshmallows in my s'more instead of one. Made it gooey on the paws!

The "Morning After Breakfast"

After eating all that chocolate and marshmallow the night before, I was feeling "queasy". Good thing there was coffee!

Well, shortly after that I "perked up" and breakfast was well underway.

Nothing tastes quite like oatmeal, partly because oatmeal doesn't really taste like anything! My wrangler suggested that I try just plain boring oatmeal without anything on it to try to settle my tummy. I went off to find some, 'cause I wasn't gonna cook it myself!

I found some! Score again! Just as I was digging in, who should slow up by Goldilocks. Party Pooper. She threw a hissy fit and demanded that I stop eating her oatmeal. *sigh*

Back at the camp, I found some scrambled eggs to eat instead. I like mine with lots of pepper. Again done myself as good waiters are difficult to come by while camping.

Well, that was pretty much how the weekend went.

It was pretty good eats!

~END PART 2~

Camping Bear Style - part 1

2009-09-11T23:06:00.002-04:00

Camping - Bear Style

Ah Late Summer, when a young bear's thoughts turn to eating as much food as possible. I mean really really stuffing your face to pack on the pounds before Winter gets here and I'm stuck in a cave somewhere trying to sleep.... but I digress.

I have discovered that although the stuffing your face part is great! Hibernation is not for me. I go out of my way to stay awake by remaining super-saturated with coffee. I also love to ski. Other than polar bears, that's rare!

Like any bear, I like to eat. I have found that the best way to eat is to follow my bear wrangler around. If he's not around, than I resort to Plan "B" which is setting up a tent. I like to use a fairly roomy tent in the hopes that humans will say "Hey Look at this big tent out here in the campground. Let's use it and dump all our food here next to this lovely tent and go to the lake thereby leaving all this yummy food unattended."

Here I am posing with the tent gear before I head up to the park to set up the tent, and hopefully attract some campers:

When I got to the campground, another bear had beat me to the punch of setting up an all-you-can-eat buffet. I would have to make the tent especially convincing if I was to get any camper food!

Well, it was still worth a try.

Setting Up the Tent

When setting up a tent I usually go for a pretty level campground with lots of trees and things that campers like. For this trip I was pretty hungry so I chose the 4 person tent to set up. It was hard work but it was worth it! Setting up the tent poles is too complicated to explain here but let's just say that it's my least favourite part.

Once you have the poles set up you attach the tent to the poles using plastic clippy things.

Because this is a big tent, some of the clippy things were really high off the ground like this:

Holy Crap that's high up!

Once the clippy things are all in place, you have to attach the water-proof thingy that goes over the tent. I do this because I learned that humans do not like sleeping in wet tents. Once you have secured the big blue thingy to the top of the tent (again tricky, but no bears were harmed in the making of this post!), it's pretty much ready.

Here I am upside down checking that the blue thingy is attached before the next step.

With the blue thingy attached, I can use the cords on it to get back down to the ground. Abseiling or rapelling I think is the term although I am neither repellent nor do I have abs.

Now the Final Step!

Securing the Tent

Now for the real work (well other than the tent poles) and that is securing the tent to the ground. Many people do this in case it gets windy or to keep the tent from moving around, but in my case it's so that people don't walk away with my tent!

I use cheapy aluminum pegs, and if the ground is good, they can usually just go in by pushing really hard with your paw or hand like so:

Once that is all taken care of, I just wait for people to move into this lovely tent, complete with stuffed bear occupant, and wait for the food to start arriving:

Taking down the tent

I saved the best for last! Once you are done using the tent it has to come down (that and the stupid park wardens were on to me!). I have found that after removing the blue thingy and undoing all of the clippy things that hold it up to the tent poles, the funnest way to take down a tent is to just JUMP into the middle of it!

Of course if you are an especially big bear this isn't recommended because it's like the exploding chip bag all over again but in my case I am small enough to get away with it and it was fun!

-END PART 1-

Top Travel Moments: So-Far (so Good!)

2009-08-26T22:32:00.111-04:00

I have traveled around a bit. Put on a few miles (and probably pounds too!). Ahh the memories. Though most of them were with the constant companionship of my bear wrangler which quite frankly got annoying with the camera always on the go - like having your own papparazo, But I digress.
On to the best moments:

Field of Dreams - Rocky Harbour, Newfoundland

We were staying in Rocky Harbour while visiting Gros Morne National Park. The park itself is worth checking out for Fjords, interesting rock piles, and a mountain that someone will climb for you.

We were driving around town, and someone in the group saw a lighthouse at the other end of town (think 5 km away, tops!). So we drove there. Walking from the parking lot to the lighthouse I started imagining things! I started to imagine that I was walking across a field of teeny tiny berries, that were being squished by my paws. The hallucination was so vivid, I was even smelling the berries. Without thinking I lifted a paw and was immediately transported to home and Mom's strawberry freezer jam! The TASTE! Oh the joy of it all! If only it were real!

Well, it was! I looked around and somehow I was in a meadow that was not covered in grass but covered in tiny wild strawberry plants. As far as the eye could see! To top it all off, they must have known I was coming because the put up this lovely "reserved" sign for me! (Dum-Dum didn't take any photographs of the berries of course!)

Lessons in Marzipan - Toledo, Spain

While traveling in Spain, the guidebook made several references to Toledo, and that it was famous for a several things. Don Quixote, Steel (swords), the Castle, the Cathedral, rip-off bistros that do not accept credit cards, and Marzipan (ears up).

I knew the Norther European version of Marzipan, which is the sugary, sticky almond paste, often sculpted and coloured into various shapes and animals or sold in "bricks". This stuff is almond-y, sugary goodness!

Imagine my surprise and delight in learning that in Toledo, Marzipan refers to a sort of almond puff-pastry. It is baked, goes all fluffy and is stuffed or filled with chocolate, jams, jellies, sweet! I bought me a bag of that goodness for the train ride back to the hotel in Madrid!

Driving a Train - National Railway Museum, York, England

What young bear doesn't dream of driving a train! They are big, go really really fast, and in Europe they almost always have a bar car or food service with yummy snacks! BTW most train stations in Britain have counters that sell Cornish Pasties! I recommend the Steak & Guinness ones! They sure are filling and great to eat on the train.

So I went to the railway museum where I could get a closer look at some of my favourite things about trains! They had all kinds of trains, including a bullet train from Japan, and several steam trains, and even one used by Queen Victoria! They also had a replica of Stevenson's Rocket, one of the original trains.

I begged and pleaded to drive any of these trains but they said I was too small to see out the window while I was driving. Then a nice lady (British people apparently like talking to stuffed bears) told me that there was a small train out back and that if I was really well behaved I might just get to drive it.

I have never been so well behaved in my life! (although the small train had no snacks, I got lots of free cookies on the big train going to Edinburgh)

Wineglass Bay and Peninsula Hike - Freycinet National Park, Tasmania, Australia

While visiting the park we stayed at a cabin connected to Freycinet Lodge, which is inside the national park,

The main attraction of the trip was Wineglass Bay Beach, which was recently listed as one of the top 10 remote beaches in the World. While heading towards the beach, my bear wrangler got it in his head that we would first go to the Wineglass Bay Lookout (lots of stairs and uphill=BAD idea) and then hike down the the beach, cut through the peninsula to another beach, and head back to the lodge.

Well, you can see what a good idea THAT was.

It was on the return hike that we stopped for lunch, and the sun came out from behind the clouds, and except for the cool breeze and fleece sweaters required, you could swear you were in the Caribbean! It was at the second beach that we ate the box lunch prepared by the lodge which included delicious chocolate chip walnut cookies. By then I had forgotten about the lookout fiasco!

My Bestest pub night ever - Le Mouton Blanc - Maastricht, Netherlands

Sometimes when you are traveling in a strange place, and you don't know where to go, you leave the guidebooks behind and you opt for the pub or the bistro across the street. In the case of Maastricht, this was easy enough to do. Our room faced onto a pedestrian zone of sorts, and a pub / bistro that seemed to have good enough food.

The man that was serving us also showed me a traditional folk dance that I think translates to roughly: "Where's my Dessert?"

And then they appeared! Desserts! Yummy Desserts! The Dance Worked!

Chocolate covered strawberries, Berry cheesecake, and Crème Brûlée!

That dance only worked once though.

So those are five of my favourite travel moments so far! I am sure there will be more. Stay tuned...

~Biff~

I did it for the Cookies!

2009-08-18T23:42:00.017-04:00

One of the things that every bear loves is cookies. They are pretty much an essential food group around here, and hardly a day goes by that I don't think about cookies or chocolate or cake, yummy yummy cake, or pizza, or beer, or cocoa, of coffee - coffee - coffee, or coffee, or chocolate, or cookies....

anyhow where was I? Oh yes, cookies!

'Cause I'm a very small stuffed bear I did have some help, but mostly it was me!

Now to let you in on a little secret: The recipes that the chocolate chip companies come up with are all right! Pretty good! Not bad! I doubt any of the chocolate chip people would go about baking bad chocolate chip cookies, that wouldn't be right.

HOWEVER: Chocolate Chip companies -- like all companies, are cautious. They never tell you to use enough chocolate chips in the cookies! I guess they don't want a Death by Chocolate Overload lawsuit or something - go figure!

I will be using the Hershey's Chipit's recipe.

Might as well give you a scary warning now: A word about egg beating machines - They don't just beat eggs. Be very careful around them! They are sneaky and love making helpless little bears fall into their clutches. Probably people too!

Now on to making cookies:

Get the oven turned on and set to 375 degrees F. HURRY! This is Important. The cookies aren't gonna cook themselves!

You will need some yucky dry ingredients including some that are boring but necessary to hold the chocolate chips together, otherwise you are making soup.

2 cups of all-purpose flour. Use unbleached 'cause who's gonna know, and who wants bleached cookies! (Most boring stuff on Earth! no real flavor and gets in your fur)
1 cup of packed brown sugar, and I mean tightly packed into the cup! Not even another brown sugar bit would fit in there even if you really tried!
1/2 cup of plain, ordinary sugar. (slightly boring)
2/3 cup of large flake oats. Not quick oats, or minute oats, but the kind you have to cook for 10 whole minutes! (again rather boring)
1 tsp baking soda (BORING unless making science volcanoes)
1/2 teaspoon salt (Salty, and *sigh* you know, boring)
lots of chocolate chips (recipe says 2 cups but I usually go with at least 3!)

Here I am "sampling" the boring ingredients while at the same time packing the brown sugar tightly!

You will also need the following "wet" ingredients:

1 cup of unsalted butter that has been left wrapped on the counter for a few hours and can be easily squished with your finger. (Not really boring per se, but not super-interesting either - although squishing it is fun!)
2 large eggs (which are blechy gooey things that come from inside chickens)
1 and 1/2 tsp vanilla (These are very important cookies please use the real stuff!)

Take the flour, baking soda and salt and mix them together with a fork or spoon to make sure everything is well mixed. Set aside (mostly 'cause this bowl of stuff is a yawner!).

Put the butter in another, bigger, bowl than you think you'll need. Eventually Everything will go into that bowl, so it should be pretty big!

Using the mixer, mix up the butter as best you can. Usually when it thinks that it is pineapple it is mixed up enough.

Now, slowly scoop out the brown sugar from the measuring cup. don't put it all in at once 'cause that will make a mess. Add about 1/4 at a time, let it mix and add more. Do the same with the granulated sugar.

Keep mixing and mixing and mixing and mixing until you're bored, then mix more until the butter only has small sugar grains in it (hint: test frequently as this is yummy!). Once you're really tired of mixing this stuff, add the eggs and the vanilla and make sure they are all mixed up and dizzy.

You should end up with a squishy gooey mass at the bottom of the bowl that is ready for you to add the glue (flour) and the Chocolate!

Now here you have options! If you have a hand mixer make sure it is rated for "cookie dough". If it isn't, break out the wooden spoon and the biceps! If you have s stand mixer you should be fine!

Now start mixing again (as if you haven't done enough already) using a slower speed and start adding the flour. You are using too fast a speed if the flour comes back up into your face and everywhere. Stop when you run out of boring flour to add. Do not beat the dough longer than you have to. If should form a sort of soft doughy blob.

Now for the best part. Grab a mixing spoon or by hand, add one dumptruck... err....the chocolate chips (and oatmeal) to the blob. Keep adding chocolate chips and stirring. Add some more chocolate chips and keep adding chocolate chips. People should by now be saying: "Whoa! that's a LOT of chocolate!" You should be looking at chocolate chips with cookie dough holding them together. Add exactly two more chocolate chips and you're done the mixing part!

Take a couple cookie sheets, cover them with parchment paper.

Take a spoon or go wash your hands and use them.

Take some of the dough, make sure if tastes all right. If it's good then take the spoon or your hand and scoop out about 1 tbsp of dough and place it on the cookie sheet. Keep doing this until you have 12 - 16 pieces of evenly-spaced dough.

Bake in the 375 degree oven for about 10 - 12 minutes.

Remove from oven and wait a couple minutes. This is difficult but essential so that the cookies "set" before you try to lift them - although if you've allowed yourself to eat only the broken cookies, why wait? Place cookies onto a cooling rack. Let cool for a couple minutes before eating 'cause chocolate gets way hot and if you burn the roof of your mouth you won't enjoy any more cookies for a while. Trust me, I know!

Enjoy with milk.

What Coffee Addiction?

2009-08-12T23:36:00.006-04:00

So it would appear that I have a teensy coffee addiction.

I say teensy because I personally don't think it's a problem, but others have commented:

personaltxr @Biff_da_Bear Good God man! You have an unnatural fixation with coffee... We need to get you some new hobbies! 1 day ago from TweetDeck

I tend to post quite frequently about coffee:

Biff_da_Bear The best part of a latte is licking the foam off of the spoon handle once you've stirred it! Coffee number 3 is fancy-ish but yummy. 4 days ago from TweetDeck

and

Biff_da_Bear What is it about the thought, smell and taste of coffee that is so appealing? Almost the perfect drink! 6 days ago from TweetDeck

and this blockbuster serial Tweet:

Biff_da_Bear I forgot to tweet my second treat! After a great supper Saturday I brewed up some 100% Kona Peaberry coffee! Now normally coffee is a utilitarian drink for me. Eye-opener or pick me up. I deliberately made the choice to make this pot of coffee however for the enjoyment of it! And what joy! First the smell. I have always loved the smell of roasted coffee. Opening the vacuum seal I first pulled the sides of the bag apart like a big inhale, gently pushed the air out and smelled heaven. Nice roast nothing burnt Just coffee! Grinding the beans and adding filtered water to the pot, I switched it on and waited to pounce. And now for the pour! No oily residue! No grounds, and no sharpness to the smell. First sip.. No milk or sugar! And yum! Nice berry taste, no real acid, silk on the tongue! Nice sharp middle, and a hint of chocolate at the finish. I added some milk to emphasize the creaminess And LOVED it with the dark chocolate covered macadamia nut candies it came with! The bear might have to move to Hawaii!!

It has become such a normal part of everyday bear life that I think nothing of demanding to be posed in front of a mug or a cup -- or anything really, that is coffee related.

My name is Biff, I am a coffee addict, and I am proud of it!